


Pretty

by HeavenlyMess



Category: Frank Iero and the Future Violents (Band), Frank Iero and the Patience, Gerard Way and the Hormones, LeATHERMØUTH, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Boys in dresses, Crossdressing, Crossdressing Frank Iero, Frank in a dress, Frerard, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Genderfluid Character, M/M, Other, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:21:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26852863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenlyMess/pseuds/HeavenlyMess
Summary: Frank has a little secret. He likes to wear dresses. He always has. But now that he's starting his last year of college, he feels it's time to be himself
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 10
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

Frank looked down at his hands.  
They were all covered in paint and callus from work. He hated that. He hated his job, and he hated how his dad had pretty much made him get a job in construction because he needed to be more manly.  
And he hated that he needed the job to pay for school supplies and rent, and that it paid better than a fast food restaurant or something he really could enjoy, like a record store.  
Only two more weeks, he thought to himself.  
He was starting his last year of college, and he’d have to find a part time job closer to school.  
He made it home just in time for dinner, but took a shower first. Wash off all the pain and the sweat and that smell from being under the sun all day. Still his hands were ruined, he thought.  
He hated that.  
‘Is everything okay, honey?’ his mom asked. He’d been distant all night, barely touching his food.  
‘Yeah, ma. Just tired.’  
‘I know you, Frankie. You’re not yourself.’ He looked up at her. She was right. But he was afraid to say it out loud. ‘You haven’t been yourself in a while, and I just want you to be happy, okay?’  
‘Okay.’  
He wanted to.  
He wanted to quit his job. He wanted to start a band. He wanted to be himself.  
But he knew they wouldn’t be okay with it.  
He knew everyone would judge him. Heck, he wasn’t sure he was okay with it himself. Sometimes he hated himself for it.  
That night, he couldn’t sleep thinking how tiring it was to pretend. How he hadn’t been happy in the longest time. How he still hated his dad for beating the shit out of him when he was fourteen and forced him to be like other boys.  
He couldn’t take it anymore.  
He cried all night, not wanting to go back to work the next day.  
He wanted to be happy again. He didn’t know that feeling anymore.  
Maybe it was time he dared to be himself. How were others supposed to accept him, if he didn’t accept himself? 

***

The next morning, Frank called his boss. He told him he had to leave for college earlier than he thought, so he was quitting. His boss didn’t tell him anything, just that he’d send him his paycheck.  
Then he left for the mall.  
He was nervous as hell. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but it was easier than walking up to the cashier and paying for it. He just hoped he didn’t get in trouble.  
He looked around the store, and when nobody was looking, he just took it, and put it in his backpack. He then bought a couple t-shirts, and left. When the security system went off, he showed his receipt to the lady, and they let him go.  
Fuck.  
He almost got caught.  
He tried to calm down his nerves, and went home.  
He couldn’t believe what he’d just done.  
Back home, he threw the plastic back to the bed, and from his backpack, he took the stolen item.  
A dress.  
A black, short cotton dress with straps.  
It was cute, and not too flashy.  
He was really doing it.  
There were a couple hours before his mom came back from work, so he had time. He took off his clothes, and put on the dress, hoping it fit.  
Standing in front of his mirror, he admired his reflection. He felt – pretty.  
It had been a while. The last time being when his dad found him trying a dress his friend Amy had given him. That was the same day he beat the crap out of him, and the day he swore he’d never do it again.  
But he knew that only made him miserable.  
All this time, he tried to figure out if he what it was. Was he a boy or a girl? He thought there was no way to know unless he tried it.  
He looked at himself, all dolled up. Maybe if he wore makeup and let his hair grow out.  
His head was going nuts with questions, and he started to tear up because there were too many emotions inside. So he had to take it slowly.  
For now, all he knew was that he liked it.  
He felt free and beautiful, and he wished he could feel like that all the time. Maybe that meant he had to steal more dresses, or have the guts to buy them. but he didn’t want to take it off.  
He put it on a hanger and hid it in his closet, before getting in bed and letting himself cry.  
They were happy tears, though.  
And he was scared.  
Scared as fuck.  
But if it meant he was going to feel like this every day, maybe it was worth it.  
He thought about going to school being his true self, and it was giving him an anxiety attack. But otherwise, he’d keep being miserable and maybe he’d never dare to.  
If anything, it’d be easier now, in college. People were more open-minded, more chances of them accepting him than his own family.  
Then again, he wasn’t sure.  
What if they made fun of him?  
What if his family didn’t accept him?  
He fell asleep imagining a perfect world where he wore a pink dress and went out like that and nobody said anything, and he was happy.  
He liked that world.


	2. Chapter 2

Frank left for school the following week.

He was moving in with his best friend Jamia to a one bedroom studio a couple blocks away from the school campus, and they were planning on looking for a job and settle down before classes started.

Frank was grateful for Jamia. He didn’t know what he’d do without her in his life.

They met in freshman year, when both of them were flirting with the same guy at a party, and said guy ended up leaving with someone else, so Frank and Jamia shared a bottle of whiskey and sat outside talking, becoming best friends immediately. It felt good, Frank thought, not having to come out to her since she knew since the beginning. And they understood each other perfectly. They were basically the same person, sharing the same brain.

And he just hoped he’d understand him because he had no one else to trust with his secret.

He had left home, taking only two bags of his clothes and his school stuff. And his one dress.

He wasn’t sure if he was going to wear it outside in front of other, but he hoped one day he’d at least dare to wear it around the house.

When he got there, Jamia was already unpacking her stuff. ‘Hey,’ she said, running to her friend and hugging him.

‘Hi.’ He looked around and noticed the couch by the corner, and boxes everywhere. ‘I see you’re already making yourself home.’

‘I got here yesterday, and they brought all the stuff this morning.’ She looked at the two trash bags he left by the door. ‘That’s all of your stuff?’

‘Yeah, just clothes.’

Jamia showed him around, and he noticed there was no bed, just a mattress. But he didn’t mind. ‘Oh, and half the closet is for you.’

‘Thanks,’ he said, happy to be living with his best friend.

They ordered Chinese food and watched rom-coms, and while Jamia finished unboxing, Frank put everything in the closet, making sure to hide the dress under one of his winter coats.

That night the fell asleep on the couch, hallway through the movie.

But he liked this life.

Even if he was still afraid to show his true self, he didn’t have to worry about having to act _manly_ around her, which made everything easier. They could talk about their crushes and that one night stand they can’t tell anyone else about. ‘So there was this guy,’ Frank told her while they ate pizza. ‘He was like super tall, and exactly the kind of guy you imagine when you think of a construction worker. Big arms, beard, you know.’

‘Damn, Frankie!’ she said, pushing him playfully.

‘I know! And that’s why I thought he’d be – you know, straight. And homophobic. It’s not like I was looking for anything. My dad still doesn’t know I’m gay, and I don’t know what he’d do if he finds out. And construction isn’t the most pro-gay job, so I had to hide it.’ Jamia rolled her eyes, knowing how stupid that was, and how he couldn’t hide it well. ‘Then one day he – Colin, he asked if I wanted to go get something to eat, and we went for subs. I thought he was just being nice, because we’re around the same age. But then, on our way back to work, he kissed me.’

‘Of course he did!’

Frank laughed. ‘I wasn’t expecting it, okay?! It’s not like I think every guy that talks to me likes me.’ He bit his nails. ‘For a second I almost thought he was going to end up beating me up, and I was really scared. But he was actually nice.’

‘Please tell me he asked you out and you said yes!’

‘He did.’ Jamia screamed at the top of her lungs, causing him to laugh. ‘But I couldn’t say yes. My dad would kill me.’ He tried to fight the tears that were coming. ‘But we did sneak out to his truck to make out whenever we could, and he treated me right.’

Jamia put her arms around him, hugging him tight. ‘Why don’t you call him? You’re not with your parents anymore. You can be yourself now.’

 _Because I left without saying goodbye. Because he won’t like me when I tell him I like to wear dresses,_ Frank thought, but he didn’t say it. ‘I know. But it’s complicated.’

And he almost told her the real reason. He almost told her about the dress he was hiding in the closet.

But he wasn’t ready yet.

‘Thank you for being my friend, Jam.’

‘Of course, honey.’

***

Over the next couple days, they finished arranging their apartment, and looking for a part time job. They were both hired at an ice cream shop on the spot, and went home to celebrate with beers.

‘Agh!’ Jamia yelled. ‘I love having our own place so much! We should have done this since the beginning!’

‘Agree.’

After a few too many beers, listening to music, they sat on the floor, and Frank let Jamia paint his nails. ‘You don’t play guitar anymore?’ she asked.

‘It’s been a while since I’ve had a band.’

‘And you gave up already?’

He looked up at her, giving her a smile. She knew him better than anyone, and she knew he couldn’t survive without playing. But there were so many other things going through his head lately.

‘Just promise me you’ll try again.’

‘I promise.’

‘And promise me you won’t go back to construction. It’s ruining your hands, and I can’t allow such pretty hands to go to waste.’

Frank laughed because she was right, but he was afraid to tell her he noticed that. ‘I promise.’ Later, they were lying on the carpet, holding hands, because that was the kind of friends they were. ‘If by thirty we haven’t got married,’ Frank started. ‘Do you promise me to marry me and have kids with me?’

‘You already know the answer to that, babe.’

‘Why couldn’t I be straight? We could be together.’

‘Ugh I know! But I love you just the way you are.’

He turned to her, a lump on his throat and his eyes starting to get wet. He couldn’t hide it anymore. He knew if there was someone who’d understand and support him, it was her. And this was the perfect moment. ‘Jam –,’ he said, trying to get her attention.

She turned to him, and noticed him crying. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘There’s something I need to tell you.’

She gave him a confused look, like _what else can it be, I already know you like dicks,_ and sat up, Frank sitting up right after that, facing her.

‘I – I –,’ he tried. But nothing came out. Instead he just sobbed into her shoulder. He just couldn’t. Jamia comforted him, not sure what to do. When he finally calmed down, he pulled away, and took a deep breath. ‘I hadn’t really told this to anybody. And I know you’re literally the best person I’ve ever known and the only one I trust. And I just need to get it out of my chest.’

Jamia nodded, still confused.

‘I like wearing girls’ clothes.’

She didn’t know how to react, and neither of them say a word for a minute, but she knew Frank needed her support so she hugged him again. ‘Are you, like –’

‘No – I don’t know really – I just like feeling pretty. And I feel more comfortable, more me.’

She nodded.

‘My mom told me once that she liked to put me on dresses when I was a toddler,’ he said sobbing. ‘She always wanted a girl, and I was an only child. But then I’d ask her to get me dresses. But my dad didn’t like that. Then when I was sixteen, I went to school wearing a skirt that my friend lent me. I told them it was because it was me being a punk. But kids made fun of me. And my dad found me wearing a dress, and that was the end of it.’

Jamia pulled him in for a hug, stroking his hair, as he continued.

‘It made me hate myself. He beat me so hard I thought there was something wrong with me. But I can’t stop thinking about it. So I stole a dress.’

‘What?!’

Frank laughed despite the tears. ‘There was no way I’d pay for it.’

Jamia didn’t know what to say.

So Frank continued. ‘The thing is – I’m tired of pretending. I just want to be me.’

Jamia kissed his forehead. ‘You know I’m here for you, right? And if you want to go shopping, I can go with you. And I’ll support you no matter what.’

‘I know.’

‘Now put that on and model it for me.’

Frank didn’t hesitate to run to the bedroom and put the dress on.

He couldn’t help smiling more while wearing it.

‘Damn! You’re way prettier than many girls!’ Jam said as soon as he walked out of the room.

He was blushing. ‘Don’t lie!’

‘I’m not lying!’

‘I love you, Jam,’ he said, crying into her shoulder.

‘And I love you.’

Then, they just got in bed, Frank still wearing his dress, and watched movies until they fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

First day of his last year of college.

He was almost there.

Just one more year and he’d finish his degree and he’d be free.

And he wanted to start the year as himself. He had really thought about it. All week, unable to sleep and having an anxiety attack every night.

He washed the dress, and woke up early to get ready, using the extra time to look at himself in the mirror.

Jamia told him to put on a white t-shirt under it, and he liked how it looked.

He liked how he looked.

He had never felt so comfortable with himself, and he knew this was the way it should be. This was more him than the baggy pants and hoodies. But then why was there a whole in his stomach?

Frank knew that as good as he felt, people out there wouldn’t think the same.

And he knew he shouldn’t care, but it was impossible not to think about the way people would react at a guy wearing a dress.

He tried to hold in the tears as he put on some eyeliner and fixed his hair. He put on his chucks, and looked at his reflection one last time.

This is the real Frank, he thought to himself, smiling.

And he changed into a pair of jeans and a Black Flag shirt, because he wasn’t ready yet.

‘It’s okay, Frankie,’ Jamia said, wiping off his tears. ‘You’ll do it when you’re ready.’

That day, he didn’t even pay attention to his lectures. He was too anxious and on the verge of crying. It felt like his clothes were giving him a rash and he had to pretend to be normal. And he hated it.

When he walked out of his last lecture, Jamia was already waiting for him to go eat. ‘How was it?’ she asked.

‘It was a nightmare. I never noticed how much I hated to wear this until now. It’s like I’m allergic.’

She hugged him. ‘Let’s go shopping after lunch, okay?’

That somehow made him smile, and they headed out to get pizza. Jamia told him about her awful economics lecture, and a girl who was eating her boogers. ‘Honestly, that looked more entertaining,’ she added.

Then, they headed to the department store. ‘Just tell me what you’re looking for,’ Jamia told Frank. ‘An specific style or item.’

‘I don’t even know. And I don’t have a lot of money.’

‘Don’t worry. It’s on me.’

‘Okay, but I still don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. I only own one dress and I stole it.’

‘Fine. We’ll just look around and you tell me if you like something.’ They looked through the racks in the women’s section, and Frank liked a couple skirts and dresses, mostly black stuff. They walked in the fitting room, and Jamia helped him into all the outfits. Some of them just didn’t fit. He didn’t like how he liked in a couple others. But they ended up buying a black flowery dress and a pink Peter Pan collar one, plus fishnets.

‘Now I feel like I have to wear them, since you bought them.’

‘No – do it when you’re ready.’

‘But I’m kinda excited to wear the pink one.’

‘You’re gonna look so cute.’

‘Oh, shut up.’

As soon as they got back to their apartment, he changed into his old dress, already feeling more comfortable around the house, working on his first assignment.

***

As soon as he put on the pink dress, it felt right.

He didn’t even think about taking it off. If this was how he was going to present himself from now on, he felt this was the right way.

He put on eyeliner and his combat boots, and grabbed his backpack.

Jamia almost yelled in excitement when she saw him. ‘You looked so pretty!’

He smiled, blushing, but accepted the compliment.

‘Are you ready?’ she asked.

‘I think so.’

To be honest, he was scared as hell. Shaking and his hands were sweating, and he was taking deep breaths as they walked to campus. He could already feel a few people looking, and he was starting to regret the idea.

But he reminded himself that it was the only option he had if he wanted to be himself and have a shot at happiness.

As they walked down the corridor, he noticed everyone was staring. ‘You have great legs,’ his friend reminded him. ‘Of course they’re looking.’

He knew that wasn’t it, but he appreciated her for saying it.

Once they got to Frank’s classroom, he hugged her, ignoring the looks. ‘You look great, okay?’ she reminded him. ‘Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. And you are so fucking brave.’

He nodded and walked inside. He couldn’t help noticing them looking too, even his professor, and it was the longest and simply the worst ethics class he’d been to, and he just wanted to crawl to the corner and cry.

He almost ran out of the room as soon as the class was over, in need of a cigarette. He just wanted to be as far away from everyone as possible, but on his way to the little garden behind the library, everyone was staring at him.

It wasn’t like he was the first person to explore their gender in the last couple years. He knew that. But maybe they were surprised _he_ was doing it. He had no idea. But he hated it.

He just wanted to live his life!

He heard a few laughs, and people whispering, and as much as he tried to ignore it, tears were forming in his eyes, and he had to run to the restroom to wash off his face.

 _It’s fine. I’m fine,_ he repeated to himself.

_I won’t let them take this from me._

_I am brave._

_This is me._

_If you don’t like it, fuck off._

He took a deep breath, and looked at his reflection. Maybe it was too soon. He needed more time. Yet, he’d been pretending for twenty years.

He just had to endure a bit more while they got used to it, he thought.

It wasn’t like they would –

And just as he stepped out of the restroom, he felt a fist hitting his face, and another on his ribs. ‘What were you doing in there?’ they asked, calling him slurs.

He lay there, wanting to cry, but he knew they couldn’t see him cry. But he had already given up. He let them laugh.

‘Hey – move the fuck away!’ someone said, and suddenly his attackers stepped back. Whoever this person was, they seemed to have some authority. Frank wanted to see who it was, but it hurt to open his right eye, and he didn’t have enough energy to sit up. ‘Of course it had to be you, Tim Garner. What did you do?!’

‘Shut up, you –’

But the other person interrupted. ‘Don’t even dare to call me that, or I’ll tell everyone about the night you asked me to fuck you, and said that you’d give me a blowjob. Oh and how I rejected you and you cried.’ Then, Frank fell someone’s hand on his back, helping him to get up. ‘It’s okay, I got you.’ He let the stranger walk him, an arm around their shoulder as they led him somewhere. Frank couldn’t recognize whether it was a guy or a girl talking, and he was embarrassed to look.

They walked into a dark room, and the stranger left him on a chair, before going to the back and turning on the lights. There was a small stage in front of them, and enough seats for twenty people. When the stranger was back, Frank looked at them. They were wearing skinny jeans and what looked like a blouse out of his grandma’s closet. Their hair was raven black and just above the shoulder, and Frank still wasn’t sure if they were a girl or a guy.

‘Those idiots!’ they said, kneeling in front of Frank and cleaning off his face with a wet towel. ‘I swear I’m going to beat their ass.’

‘You don’t have to,’ Frank said.

‘Oh – I know. But I can’t just not do anything! Look what they did to you!’

‘I’m okay.’

‘No. This is not okay. They can’t do this.’

Frank couldn’t help it, and started sobbing, and the stranger held him in a hug. ‘I’m Gee, by the way,’ they said.

‘I’m Frank.’

‘Well, Frank, if it helps, you look really pretty, and I like your dress.’

‘Thank you,’ he said with a tiny smile. There was a long silence while Gee finished cleaning off the blood. Frank appreciated them not asking, but for some reason he felt he could trust them. ‘I just got this yesterday. It took a lot for me to do so,’ he was crying again. But there was something that made him think they’d understand. ‘I always knew I was different. And had to pretend for so long. And the first day I decide to show up as myself, I get beaten up.’

‘It takes a lot of courage to be yourself, you know?’

Frank nodded.

‘Frankie, you are beautiful. And if they don’t see it, it’s their problem.’ Frank smiled. ‘But if you let me, I’ll be there to punch some bitches.’

‘Thank you.’

‘I mean it. And whenever you need, you can come in here, or text me.’ They got a sharpie from their purse, and wrote a number on Frank’s arm. ‘There.’

‘Thank you.’ They didn’t say anything for a while, and just sat there. Then Frank just looked at him. ‘Can I just stay here a little longer? I don’t really wanna go out there.’

‘Of course. As long as you need.’


	4. Chapter 4

‘What happened, Frank?’ Jamia yelled as soon as he walked through their apartment door, sounding worried and a little pissed off.

‘I’m fine,’ he said, even though he was holding his side with one hand, clearly in pain, and was sporting a black eye. ‘I just –’

‘Honey, who did this to you? And what happened to your dress?’

He was now wearing a shirt and a pair of jeans that he had fortunately remembered to pack that morning.

‘I knew this would happen. We both did. And I didn’t even know who they were. They just –’ His voice broke, and he was now in tears.

‘It’s okay, honey,’ Jamia comforted him. ‘You should have called me.’

‘I know. Someone helped me, and I was with them. But I’m okay, now.’

Jamia almost forced him to sit down while she made tea for him, and she did his nails while he cried on her shoulders in silence.

The next morning, he put on jeans and a t-shirt and walked to class. ‘But –,’ Jamia said when she caught up with him.

‘Maybe it’s for the best. I don’t know if I’m ready to take another beating.’ He put on his hoodie, zipped it all the way up and pull the hood up, trying to go unnoticed.

The first couple classes were hell. He couldn’t even concentrate, and he fell everyone was looking at him with his black eye.

When he got to the cafeteria, he grabbed an apple and a thing of chocolate milk because he didn’t have enough money for more, and sat in one of the tables by the corner.

‘I almost didn’t recognize you,’ a voice said, and when Frank looked up, he saw Gee approaching his table. They were wearing skinny jeans and a white blouse with a lace collar. ‘If it wasn’t for the black eye.’

‘You’re funny,’ Frank said in a sarcastic tone.

‘Can I sit?’

‘Go ahead.’ They didn’t say anything, but Gee wouldn’t keep their eyes off Frank. ‘Can you please stop looking at me?’

‘I’m sorry. I just – I don’t want you to stop dressing the way you want just because shitty people tell you to.’

‘Who says I’m doing it because of them? I’m doing it because of me, I don’t want to be punched in the face.’

‘And you prefer to be miserable?’

Frank didn’t say anything.

‘And don’t even lie to me. You don’t look happy.’

‘How can I be happy with a black eye and possibly a broken rib?’

‘I’m sorry about that. Unfortunately for us, it’s going to be really hard to be ourselves. But we don’t have to be alone.’

‘I’m not alone. I have Jamia.’

‘Is she your – girlfriend?’

He shook his head. ‘My best friend.’

‘Can I be your friend too?’

Frank had no choice but to nod, and a tiny smile formed on his face.

‘Great!’ They moved to the chair closer to Frank and kept talking. ‘So – I introduced myself already, but in case you don’t know, I’m non binary, and my pronouns are they/them. But I’m really okay with anything.’

Frank couldn’t help smiling. Gee was like a spark of life in his dull life. They were always happy and excited, and Frank liked that. And he was happy to find someone who might help him in his own discovery.

‘And you are –’

‘He/him – I think. I haven’t really thought about it.’

‘It’s okay. We can figure that out.’

Frank smiled big without even realizing. ‘Thank you.’

‘So – I gotta go, but come look for me at the theater department later. Same room as the other day?’

Frank nodded.

‘See you, Frankie.’

He liked the sound of his name coming from their lips. And the idea of a new friend he could relate to.

He went to the library to finish his paper, and then to his last lecture of the day, and he couldn’t help feeling excited just thinking about hanging out with Gee later. They made him feel accepted and hopeful.

He knocked on the door of the little auditorium at the end of the hallway, looking around to make sure there were no bullies.

When Gee opened the door, they were in full make up. ‘Sorry, just came straight from rehearsals.’

‘You look good.’

‘Thank you.’

They kept staring at each other but didn’t say anything, and then Gee pulled him inside and to the stage. ‘One of the perks of being theater director is that I have access to all the wardrobe. And sometimes I feel a little extra dramatic and not wanting to spent money on something, so I just borrow it from here.’

Frank laughed.

‘So today, you get access to it.’

‘Really?’ Frank asked, skeptical.

‘Yeah! Look around, see anything you like, try it on.’

Most of the stuff on the racks looked exactly like costumes. Victorian dresses, coats with feathers, a fairy costume. But Frank found a couple dresses he liked. A black leathery one that looked like it was going to be too tight on him, a more classy yellow one with flowers. ‘Huh, very different, yet very you,’ Gee said.

He tried the black one first and Gee helped him to accessorize. A stripped sweater on top and platform boots. Then he tried the yellow one, that was a little too long on him, but he felt more comfortable in it.

‘I think yellow it’s your color.’ Gee got his makeup bag, and sat in front of him. ‘Can I?’

Frank nodded. He was on the verge of tears, and felt like if he said a word, he’d explode. He just let Gee put makeup on. They paid special attention the black eye to hide it as much as possible. It was light and a more natural look, but Frank almost teared up when he looked at the mirror. That was him.

He liked the view.

He wished he could look like that every day.

‘Thank you,’ he whispered.

‘It’s nothing.’ There was silence for a minute, and they both looked at each other through the mirror. ‘Now – let’s try something. Is it okay if I refer to you as she?’

Frank thought about it for a minute, and then nodded.

‘Let’s try it. If you don’t like it or feel uncomfortable, just tell me, okay?’

She nodded, and hugged Gee.

Gee continued. ‘It took me years to find out who I was, and I mostly did it on my own. So I want to help you like I wish someone had helped me.’

‘You’re an angel, you know?’

That made Gee smile, and now they truly looked like one. Frankie couldn’t stop looking at them, grateful to have found them and for everything they’ve done for her.

‘Oh – I forgot something,’ Gee said, getting up from their seat, and came back with two boxes of pizza and a bottle of Coke.

‘You are seriously an angel.’


	5. Chapter 5

Frankie got up earlier and got dressed in a shirt and jeans.

She told Jamia she had to go to the library so she’d be heading out earlier. But the truth was Gee told her to meet them at the auditorium to help her find a dress, and they’d bring breakfast.

And to be honest, she was excited about seeing Gee more than anything.

They were the light of her light.

‘Come on in!’ they yelled from inside. ‘It’s open.’

Frankie got in and saw them on the stage, going through the racks. ‘Hey, there,’ she said shyly.

‘Hi, darling.’ She tried to hide how that made her blush, and her stomach felt funny, but again, she was full of emotions she couldn’t understand quite well. She was still trying to get used to being referred as a she, even though Gee was the only one who did so, but she liked it.

Today, they were wearing just loose jeans and a hoodie, no makeup or anything, very different than their usually flashy self. But still pretty as fuck. ‘So, based on your choices from last night, I grabbed a couple more dresses I liked.’ They showed them what they found. A pink lacy one, a teal one with straps, and a long black one with white flowers.

‘That one,’ Frankie said, pointing to the long one.

‘Nice! It might be a little long for you, but I’m sure you’ll rock it.’

‘Thank you.’ She almost ran to the dressing room in the back to change. She looked kinda punk, and a little hipster, and she liked it.

‘Wow,’ Gee said when she walked out. ‘It’s like it was made for you!’

‘Thank you.’

‘You can keep it, I’m sure no one will even notice.’ Frankie blushed. No one had done anything like that for her. Gee was really her own angel. ‘I found these boots, I think they might fit, but if not, your chucks look just as good with it. And I think this hat goes with it too.’

The boots were just a size too big, but it wasn’t bad. And the hat was the finishing touch. Gee fixed her hair so her fringe was almost covering her face. ‘You’re so fucking pretty!’

They were so close, almost breathing on her face, and Frankie couldn’t stop thinking about kissing them, but had to stop herself.

‘Wait here!’ Gee said, just in time, or who knew what she’d done. They were back a minute later with their makeup bag, but this time they just put some eyeliner under her eyes, and lipstick. A loud burgundy color that contrasted perfectly with all the black.

‘Fucking gorgeous.’

There were the butterflies again!

She looked at her reflection again, and her eyes started to get wet.

‘No!’ Gee yelled. ‘The eyeliner!’

Frankie couldn’t help but laugh. And that looked even better on her.

‘Please do more of that,’ Gee said. ‘You have a very cute smile.’

Frankie wanted to tell them that it was all because of them. She hadn’t smiled this much in a long time.

‘So – breakfast?’

Gee got bagels with cream cheese on his way there, and two lattes. ‘I didn’t know what to get you, and this is what I usually get.’

‘Thank you,’ she said, and they both started eating, sitting on the edge of the stage.

‘So – how are you feeling with your pronouns?’

‘I like them. It’s gonna take me awhile to get used to it, especially since you’re the only one who knows so far.’

They nodded. ‘And you’re still okay with he? I mean, when everyone else refers to you as a he, you’re okay? Or you feel weird?’

She shrugged. ‘I’m okay, I guess. I haven’t really thought about it?’ She paused. ‘I just feel like I haven’t really processed this whole thing, you know? Like I always knew I liked to wear dresses. I remember growing up and wanting to have my cousin’s outfits, but I didn’t understand why I couldn’t. Then as a teenager, that feeling never go away, but I knew why people weren’t okay with it. So one time I asked a friend if I could borrow a skirt. With the excuse that it was very punk to wear a skit to school you know?’

‘Very punk of you.’

‘Well, I did. And then, when my dad found out, he beat me up.’

‘I’m so sorry.’

She nodded. ‘I’m okay now. I think. It took me a long time, and I forced myself to be what they expected me, you know? But it made me really miserable. And it wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I just said fuck it.’

Gee hugged her. ‘I’m glad you did.’

They kept talking more. Frankie asked what was Gee’s majoring in. ‘Actually, I’m doing my masters in Theater.’

‘Wow.’

‘Yeah. You?’

‘Psychology.’

Then, Frankie’s class was about to start, so they had to go. Gee walked her to the classroom, and it seemed when they were with her, no one bothered her. She felt safe and protected. ‘You have a reputation, huh?’ she asked.

‘I kinda do. No one expects the queer kid to throw a punch. So I had to.’

‘Nice.’

They stood there for a minute or two outside the door. Frankie tried to ignore the looks and focused on her boots. ‘So –,’ Gee interrupted her train of thought. ‘You wanna hang out with me and my friends later?’

Frankie’s face lit up. ‘For real?’

‘Yeah. We’re usually outside the cafeteria around noon. If you wanna join, you’re welcome to come.’

‘Thank you.’

The next couple hours went really fast, and she was way behind on her assignments, and trying to catch up occupied most of her time. Which was good, because she was getting anxious, scared about everyone’s reaction. So she was surprised when a girl walked by and complimented her on her dress. ‘Thank you,’ she said, hoping she meant it and she wasn’t making fun of her.

When her second class was finally over, she went to the cafeteria and got a sandwich and an apple juice, and when she stepped out, she spotted Gee. ‘Hi,’ she said, approaching.

‘Hey! Come on, sit down!’ Gee told her. ‘Guys, she’s Frankie. Frankie, these are the guys. Estefy, Paul, Georgia, and Cleo.’

‘Nice to meet you,’ Frankie said.

Gee explained to her what they were talking about, the play they were working on, and dealing with people who thought were serious actors but sucked big time. And suddenly Frankie felt like she belonged.

Everyone there was unique and clearly not cis. And she loved that.

When they asked about the still visible black eye, she told them, and they all promised to have her back, and walk her home after school, and then every morning from her apartment and to school.

Gee winked at her, knowing exactly what was going through her mind, and offered her a bag of hot Cheetos. ‘I told you, you’re not alone,’ they said.


	6. Chapter 6

After her last class, Frankie needed a cigarette.

It had been a stressful day, between all her assignments and essays, and she wasn’t used to people looking at her all the time. People who used to be friendly to her just months ago would give her looks or just pretend they didn’t know her. Other people tried to be her friend now, and she wasn’t sure if it was sincere or not.

Right now, she just wanted to go home and watch movies with Jam, and not have to think about this place for a couple days.

‘Hey, there.’ Gee’s voice brought her back to reality. They were right there in front of her out of nowhere, struggling with a purse and three different plastic bags in their hands.

‘Hey.’ They always brought a smile to her face somehow.

‘I thought you’d be home by now.’

‘I had to stop at the library for something. You need help with that?’

‘You don’t mind? Just to my car.’ Frankie nodded and followed them to the parking lot. ‘So – how have you been?’

‘Good – I guess. I don’t know. It’s still weird.’

‘I know.’ Frankie left the bags in the back of Gee’s tiny car, and they closed the door. ‘Hey, you have a car?’

‘No, but I just live like two blocks away.’

‘I can take you home. If that’s okay with you, of course.’

‘Really?’ Gee nodded. ‘Thank you.’

‘Just ignore the cigarette smell, please,’ Gee said as she got in the car.

‘It’s okay. I was just smoking five minutes ago. I don’t mind.’ Gee started the car, and the radio immediately turned on, a Queen song playing. Frankie told them where she lived, and Gee listened.

‘So – any plans for the weekend?’

‘Not really. Not go out of my apartment, finish an essay, watch TV? You?’

‘Well, I have to work on some costumes for a play, but nothing much.’

By then, they had already parked outside Frankie’s apartment. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘For everything, really.’

‘Of course. Anytime.’ There was a pause, and Frankie hadn’t even made an attempt to get out of the car. ‘So – I was thinking. You wanna go to the thrift store tomorrow? We can look for more dresses for you.’

‘Would you –’ Frankie didn’t even know what to say. She just looked back at Gee and tried not to cry.

‘Of course.’ Fuck, that smile always melted her.

‘Can I at least pay you by offering you breakfast?’ Frankie asked, trying to ignore the awkwardness.

‘That’d be nice.’

She could feel her heart beating out of her chest, and she tried not to look at them or she’d explode. ‘I live at the apartment 8B,’ she said and leaned in to kiss their cheek. ‘Thank you.’ And then she got out of the car and ran home where she could do a celebratory dance by herself.

***

‘Why are you up so early, and why are you making breakfast?’ Jamia asked when she walked in the kitchen and saw Frankie cooking.

‘Um – I promised someone breakfast.’

‘Someone? That friend of yours who drove you home yesterday?’

Frankie couldn’t even hide her smile. ‘Yeah.’

‘He’s cute.’

‘They,’ she corrected.

‘Oh, I’m sorry. They’re cute.’

‘I like them. A lot.’

‘You don’t have to tell me. It’s obvious.’

Frankie turned off the stove, and started the coffee. ‘Jam – by the way, I wanted to ask something. Well, not ask –’

‘Go ahead.’

‘I’m trying this thing, and I’m going by she now.’

Jamia didn’t say anything and just hugged her. ‘Of course. I love you, you know that?’

‘I love you too.’

Frankie was still on her sweatpants and t-shirt when there was a knock on the door, and she started to freak out. Yet, she gook a breath and went to open the door. Gee was there, wearing one of their flowery blouses over skinny jeans, and a beret. ‘Hi,’ Frankie said with a wave.

‘Hi.’

They stood there for a second, until Frankie realized it was getting awkward. ‘Come on in. I made banana and oatmeal pancakes, I don’ know if that’s cool with you.’

‘It is!’

Just then, Jamia walked in on them. ‘Hey.’

‘Oh, and this is my roommate and best friend in the whole world, Jamia.’

‘Nice to meet you. I’m Gee.’

‘Nice to meet you.’

They sat down to talk, and Jamia told Gee about how they met in freshman year and they’d have each other’s back since them. Soon, Jamia had to go to work, and Frankie changed into jeans and a jean jacket before walking out.

‘Let’s do this.’

Gee told her about this place they went to, where the people were really cool and supportive and they always encouraged them when they were starting to experiment. They led her to the store and opened the door for her. ‘No one judges you here, so just find something you like and we’ll try it on.’

Frankie went through every rack, not sure what she was looking for. She didn’t even know what was her style. She didn’t know what to do. She’d usually see a dress she liked and that was it, she didn’t have to look for it. But there were so many different styles, and colors. Gee reminded her that she didn’t have to look for a specific style, just find something she liked. So she grabbed a few different ones. ‘And remember, skirts are cool too, and even pants.’

An hour later, she had tried dozens of outfits and she bought half of them with the help of Gee.

‘You should put on that blue polka dot one you got right now,’ they said. ‘It’s nice out, and you should rock that.’

Frankie was sure her face was red as fuck. They always had that effect on her. And how could she say no? So she went back to the fitting room, and changed into the dress. When she looked into the mirror she was surprised at how a simple piece of clothing made her feel so much more like her, and her eyes went wet.

She walked back outside, wiping off the tears with the back of her hand. ‘Let’s go,’ she said before Gee saw her crying.

They walked around the neighborhood, just so she could show off her dress. She saw a few people looking, but she didn’t a single fuck. she felt pretty and confident. And she had Gee by her side.

They walked in an ice cream shop and sat there, for a while. Frankie wouldn’t stop thanking them, for offering their help, and for paying half of her stuff. ‘No problem, really,’ they said. ‘I’m glad I can help you.’

They talked more, getting to know each other. Frankie told them she hadn’t talked to her mom, and she was afraid of what she’d think. ‘I don’t even want to tell my dad.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s fine. I think I’m just not ready. One day, maybe?’

‘You have me. And Jamia.’

Gee changed the subject to tell her she should join a theater group, or volunteer to help, just so she could hang out with them and the gang more. ‘It’d be good for you to be around people who understand, you know? And obviously, it’d be really cool to have you around.’

‘Fine, I will.’

On their way back, they went on and on about Rocky Horror, and Gee walked her to her door. ‘It was really nice,’ they said.

‘Yeah. Thank you for inviting me.’

‘Anytime.’

They both stood there, not moving, and Frankie just stared at Gee’s lips, wondering if it’d be okay to kiss them. Maybe they were just too nice and were really trying to help her, having been in a similar situation.

It didn’t mean they liked her.

But she just had to. She leaned in and pressed her lips against theirs, tasting strawberry ice cream in them. She reluctantly pulled away a second later, just to make sure it was okay, but Gee pulled her closer and kissed her back.


	7. Chapter 7

She couldn’t sleep.

Her lips were still warm from the kiss.

And all she could think about was Gee. Their smile, holding their hand as they walked down the street, their laugh whenever Frankie said something not remotely funny. She hadn’t smiled this much.

‘I love to see you this happy,’ Jamia said from the other side of the bed. ‘But you need to sleep.’

‘I kissed Gee.’

‘WHAT?!’ Jamia turned to Frankie, suddenly wide awake and excited. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I’ve been trying to make sense of it. It doesn’t feel real.’ There was a special spark in her eyes, clear even in the darkness of their room.

‘You really like them, huh?’

Frankie nodded, trying to hold in the tears. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this. And I’m scared.’

‘But why, baby?’ She cleaned Frankie’s tears with her thumb. ‘They clearly like you, too.’

‘You think so?’

‘Did they kiss back?’ Frankie nodded. ‘Then, there’s your answer. Plus, I saw how they looked at you. Just let them in.’

‘Okay.’

‘You deserve so much love.’ And she let her cry in her shoulder, tears of happiness, until they both fell asleep.

***

On Monday morning, she put on her denim overall dress on top of a striped shirt, and fixed her hair in the mirror, locking it behind her ears. It was growing longer, and she knew if her dad saw her, he’d throw a fist, telling her she should cut it off and look “like a man”. If he only knew.

Not that she wanted to tell him.

She wasn’t so sure herself yet. But she knew she felt more like herself this way, and she wasn’t willing to give this up for him.

Right now, all she could think of was Gee.

And she couldn’t help the smile they brought to her face. She liked it.

She finished putting on her mascara and headed to the door. She was starting to get nervous about what Gee would say. What if they regretted the kiss after all? What if they didn’t want to be public?

She hated herself for just thinking that. She knew they weren’t like that. Gee was the sweetest ever, and she knew that they wouldn’t lie to her. Would they?

All those doubts disappeared as she reached walked out of her building and saw Gee standing there, wearing their baggy jeans and a band shirt, looking adorable as hell. ‘Hi,’ they said, with their cute smile that melted her. ‘You look really good.’

‘Thank you,’ she said, blushing hard and covering her face with her arm.

‘No, I wanna see you.’ Gee pulled her closer, and their eyes met. ‘I like you,’ they said, their words sure of it. ‘And I like your smile a fucking lot, okay. I’m gonna make sure you do that a lot, because you’re even prettier like this.’

Frankie wasn’t used to receive compliments yet, and Gee always showered with so many, they made her feel loved. ‘Stop it!’

‘No! I’m gonna keep telling you until you realize how beautiful you are.’

‘But I’m not.’

‘Who said that? They clearly haven’t seen you, then.’ And then, they pulled her to kiss her lips.

Frankie felt butterflies in her stomach, and she was so light she could float. Every time they kissed her, it got better, and she could never get used to this. ‘I like you too,’ she whispered.

‘That’s great. I was starting to get scared you didn’t.’ They kissed her again, and then reached for her hand. ‘Now, let’s go or we’ll be late for class.’

Gee walked her to her Ethics class, and then shared a cigarette in between lecture. They sat with the theater group, and they talked about how awful the cafeteria food was, until Cleo noticed Gee and Frankie holding hands. ‘Oh my – are you, guys –?’ she asked.

Frankie didn’t know how to react, and she hid in Gee’s arms, who only smiled and nodded.

‘You’re so cute!!’

‘Thank you,’ they said.

And after their last lecture, they smoke outside the cafeteria, not ready to go home. ‘You want to come over to my place?’ Gee asked, catching Frankie by surprise.

She had no words. This could only mean one thing, and she wasn’t sure she was ready for it. It would have to involve a lot of things that she hadn’t really thought about, or that she was avoiding to think about. For starters, that thing down there. She didn’t exactly hate having _it_. She was more confused about the whole thing. Like, she thought she was _supposed_ to hate it, and she was waiting for that moment when she would. It didn’t make sense, after all. _She_ having a dick. And she read everything she could find on her psychology books about dysmorphia, and all she could get was that it depended on each person.

What really scared her was her lack of experience. Yeah, she’d given blowjobs, and got more herself. But she’d only been with Colin, once. And she was afraid Gee noticed. Not that it was going to happen. But what if?

‘It’s okay if –,’ Gee started.

‘Yes, let’s go.’

They got in Gee’s car, their nervous giggle filling the air, and Frankie kissed their cheek.

Gee’s apartment wasn’t far away, in the basement of a tall fancy building. ‘It’s a little expensive but the neighborhood is worth it,’ they said as they pulled up to the parking lot. ‘I wanna be safe, you know?’ Frankie did.

She wanted to ask where did they work, but they were too excited, pulling her down the stairs and looking for their keys, and she couldn’t help getting excited too. ‘It’s not much, and I don’t have furniture,’ they said when the door opened, and then turned on the lights. Indeed. There was a mattress in the far corner, a laptop sitting nearby, and the rest of the small studio was covered in half-finished paintings and fabric.

But Frankie couldn’t even take it in, because Gee was pushing her to the wall and pressing their lips against hers, tenderly. She realized they were always so delicate with her, their movements soft and careful, and if they could break her. But she was no delicate flower.

So she turned them around and pushed them to the wall without even breaking the kiss, her tongue pushing in, and her hands running through their hair, hungry for more, asking them to touch her. ‘Fuck,’ she whispered, already getting hard. It had been a while since the last time. ‘I fucking like you.’

‘I can see that,’ they said, and pushed her to the mattress slowly and carefully, holding her back so she wouldn’t fall, and both giggling in between kisses. Frankie wrapped her arms around their neck, pulling them closer, and pushing up her crotch against Gee’s. In the meantime, their hands stayed on her hips, pressing her against the mattress.

They kissed her neck, licking her scorpion tattoo. ‘It tickles,’ she said, so they kept doing it.

It feels good, she thought. There, she was exactly who she was meant to be, and she was exactly where she belonged, in that mattress, under Gee. They didn’t even take off their clothes. They just made out, tasting each other, grinding against each other and familiarizing with each other’s body. Then, they cuddled, just enjoying each other’s warmth. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered, and placed a kiss under their ear. ‘For helping me find myself.’

‘I’m glad, because I like this Frankie.’

Frankie giggled again, burying herself in their neck. She was happy, finally.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, guys!   
> I hope you like this chapter! I would appreciate your feedback <3


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